As a dentist, attention to detail is key:
“Could you open your mouth, Mrs Patterson? I need to make an impression.”
“You have already – your flies are undone.”
Dentists don’t drink normal water. Instead they glug the coloured stuff used as a rinsing agent. Such coloured water includes high levels of fluoride, which toughens teeth but has the side effect of blunting memory. This is why, when visiting the dentist, conversations often take the following form:
“So, tell me, what GCSEs have you chosen then, young James?”
“Actually Dr Mills, I have been working at the Ministry of Defence for the past fifteen years now.”
Brace yourselves for the next bit: dentists like rough kids. This is because rough kids get into fights and have their teeth knocked out. For dentists, repeat business is key. This explains why they teach children to brush incorrectly. Such malpractice was exposed in the Panorama special ‘Dentists: the Bleeding Truth’ when eight dentists from the Denton area were exposed for forcing children to brush their teeth with chocolate bars.
When all is said and gum, dentists are traditional sorts. Many enjoy root canal holidays and all are supporters of the crown – yet most are lonely, fear decay and have huge cavities in their lives.
All they want is the chance to show that underneath that tough enamel exterior lies something soft and pulpy.
See more of Saul at saulwordsworth.com