“We believe a combination of long words, big numbers and the odd percentage have enabled us to get away with this rubbish for so long,” said Ken Farcical of Twats.
House price experts say that the UK faces an “uncertain 2012 almost certainly because it is in the future and we don’t know what will happen until it has happened”.
“We’re certain that we will see poor growth followed by stagnation and total collapse but we probably won’t,” said Wesley Guesswork.
According to the experts, a combination of people not having much money, houses being quite expensive and things being quite bad was enough for newspaper editors to publish the report as a top story.
“There is considerable uncertainty in the market as to how long reports like this will be treated as serious before our readers realise we’re padding out our newspapers with speculative nonsense,” said Financial Times Biscuit Correspondent, Walter Piss-Poor.
“What’s important is that we keep writing these silly, pointless reports in the hope that someone will buy them,” said a man spotted on Threadneedle St clinging to his job.
IN OTHER SHOCK NEWS:
Thatcher film “a bit Thatchery” says Carol Thatcher
Winter To Blame For Cold Weather
Some People Are A Bit Racist
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