Olympic Ceremony To Feature Inflatable Stephen Hester

“In many ways it’s a celebration,” said a spokesman. “And the whole mood of 2012 will be reflected in the iconography of a grinning RBS boss dumping his load onto the heads of paying visitors”.

Organisers said the opening ceremony would also feature thousands of public sector workers being crushed by a giant P45 while a figurine of HMRC boss, Dave Hartnett, disappears up a fluorescent Vodafone backside.

They added that the giant inflatable Hester had been painstakingly constructed over many months using the leftover bits of fat greedy men.

“It’s proving to be hard work as it needs to be fed thousands of pounds every minute in order to keep it one place,” said the spokesman. “In many ways just like the real thing.”

Today the government claimed victory in the furore surrounding Mr Hester after it managed to reduce the size of his bonus from a reported £1 million to £999,998 instead.

But it is still being discussed how the money will be paid.

The government says it wants the bonus to be paid in shares, delivered by 2014 and subject to 52% income tax.

However Mr Hester is reportedly keen for it to by paid in cash, delivered by bulldozer and rubbed into his chest by sluts.