Doctors Try To Remove Chip From Vince Cable’s Shoulder

“It’s much bigger than we thought,” said one, “and it seems to be responsible for making the Business Secretary appear silly and ignorant on important matters of finance.”

Earlier this week Mr Cable was spotted talking to a television camera seemingly unable to prevent naive opinions about banks and bonuses spilling out of his face.

“It was really embarrassing – you’d expect the Business Secretary of all people to understand that you need experienced, well-paid individuals to sort out a mess like RBS,” said a nearby three-year old.

Many doctors are now warning of a “medical time-bomb” after what they say is an alarming number of chips appearing on the shoulders of adults with important jobs.

“I didn’t know what it was at first,” said sufferer and union representative Bob Fist. “But I realised there was this thing on my shoulder that made me feel disproportionately bitter towards people who earn more than me.”

Doctors are urging people to look out for potential sufferers, saying that the chips seem to appear during bonus season in which tiny handfuls of City workers receive extra money to stop them committing suicide.

Police believe that chips on shoulders were responsible for a multiple pile-up in Westminster today in which lisping monkey, Ed Miliband, was injured by a passing bandwagon.

“He just tried to climb on me, blindly ignoring his better judgement”, said the clearly shaken metaphor.