AstraZeneca Reveals Magic Pill to Ease Hurt of Job Losses

The wonder drug, known colloquially as the ‘Where Am I?’, has been designed with company’s recent 7,300 job cuts in mind. Anyone laid-off by the pharmaceutical giant will be issued with a P45 along with five of the penis-shaped tablets.

“Today there is a remedy for everything and compulsory redundancy is no different,” said Chief Pharmacologist, Presuming Ed. “Here at AstraZeneca we make dreams come true. Did you know we’ve just developed something that makes you laugh like crazy at your own mother’s funeral?”

AstraZeneca announced a fall in profits for the three months to December. The fall was quickly treated with special cream and a round of ‘there-there’s but the firm still felt the need to make cuts.

“When making cuts it’s important the incision is done with a steady hand and that there’s a pretty nurse in the room,” said a doctor with an eye for the ladies.

During the trial phase the pill was tested on 100 employees. To the company’s delight none remembered to return the following day.

“The only side effect with the medication is that, erm, err, mmm, oh,” said one of the trialists.

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