Rangers FC Handed Control Of Greek Economy

“We are optimistic that this will signal the end of Greece’s troubles,” said European Council President, Rumpy Van Pumpy, “especially given Rangers strong track record in spending other people’s money and losing receipts.”

Markets rallied on reports that the eurozone would sign off the new package with hopes that the move would resolve the Greek crisis until at least Thursday lunchtime.

“Rangers FC’s proud tradition of ineptitude, greed and financial illiteracy has ‘Greece’ written all over it,” said a man with his bail out.

Despite the uncertain state of the club’s finances, Rangers were still able to play their Saturday fixture against Kilmarnock, managing to attract a sell-out crowd of nearly 50,000 accountants.

However, the club was forced to play the match with their usual squad replaced by exact cardboard replicas.

“We actually played much better than normal,” said a wet piece of Corn Flakes box.

There are even rumours flying around Ibrox that substantial bids are on the table for the new Rangers centre forward, hastily constructed from cardboard, sellotape and unused tax returns.

“The way he stood, fixed in the opposition 6-yard box just waiting for the ball while blowing lightly in the breeze and occasionally falling over was really impressive,” said one agent. “In many ways he could be the new Peter Crouch.”