Man Found Frozen In 1980s

Police say the man is called ‘Rupert’ and seems to have survived for “some considerable time” without any access to decency or morals.

They are appealing for help after the man, who appeared to have no memory and poor hearing, was found too weak to utter anything except the words ‘Sunday Sun’, ‘Royal tip-off’ and ‘tits’.

“This man seems to be stuck in a decade when newspapers could make money out of lying, bribes and soft-porn and seems to be completely unable to accept that the world has moved on,” said a spokesman.

As police try to piece together what happened to the man, he is being comforted by his teenage kung-fu wife while aid workers treat him with soup and grainy photos of nude actresses.

“He’s in a pretty bad way,” said a spokesman. “He keeps saying he’s hearing voices but we’ve since discovered that it’s just the sound of loads of stolen mobile phone messages.”