Sleepy Lloyds Boss Accidentally Presses ‘Clawback’ Button

The ‘clawback’ button – rarely used by the bank - is only intended for emergencies when Lloyds wants to improve its public image.

“Mr Horta-Osorio was just preparing for his mid-morning nap and accidentally put his Sponge Bob pillow on the keyboard,” said a spokesman. “Naturally he is devastated and might have to take a few more months off.”

The clawback mishap led to a range of broadly positive newspaper headlines as bonuses - described by Lloyds “significant and substantial” - were seized from a handful of executives.

They include a £10 book voucher given to outgoing finance director, Tim Nookie as well as the return from former head of retail banking, Helen Weird, of a signed copy of Antonio Horta-Osorio’s ‘Me And My Hyphen’.

Shares in Lloyds also rose slightly after the news that former chief executive, Eric Daniels, was being forced to return one of his cufflinks.

“The return of these bonuses will make a huge difference to the £32 billion we lost as a result of mis-selling payment protection insurance,” said a drop in the ocean.