‘Nothing We Can Do About High Gas Prices’ Says Huge Liar

“Our prices are not set artificially high as part of an energy cartel and we certainly didn’t put them up just to cash in on winter,” said British Gas’s Head of Fibs, Ted Whopper, whose pants were later reported to be on fire.

The company pointed out that it had done “all it could” in the recent cold spell, especially by helping local councils to clear the pavements of piles of old people who had frozen to death in East Anglia.

“Many consumers are struggling with their finances and I know how hard it is for some of our customers”, said the Contricka boss, speaking from a yacht in the Bahamas.

With a growing backlash against energy providers run by fat liars, the government said it would launch a review of the review it launched after last year’s review.

“This review will be unprecedented and will finally get to grips with this appalling situation,” said a man with a visibly lengthening nose.

Yesterday, Contricka announced a deal for several more gas fields in the North Sea in a move that should “significantly boost our wallets”.

However the company warned that that energy prices might have to remain extortionate in order to pay for the expensive equipment required to convert all the gas into lies.