“Many of these men are victims of self-abuse,” said one. “We just hope that the availability of a new computer might at least give them something else to do with their hands.”
The new computer – described by Apple as a “totally revolutionary 360 degree experience in third-generation interfacing” – has been described by many experts as “a new computer”.
“The iPad 3 is completely different to its predecessor,” said Brett Smug, Apple’s Head of Skateboards. “Because it’s fitted with a much larger price tag.”
Experts say the new model iPad comes with a receipt and a plastic bag.
It is also fitted with a special wipe-free flat screen for those customers that Apple refers to as “nocturnal one-handers”.
“It basically gives users a nice clean solution after long night of interfacing,” said Hans Shandi, Apple’s Head of Tissues.
Hundreds of men sporting silly beards started camping outside Apple shops in London about six months ago after a rumour spread that there might be an explanation as to why none of them had girlfriends.
“I used to be a lonely, boring man with poor personal hygiene and no success with women,” said first in the queue, Steve Gullible. “But now I’m a lonely, boring man with poor personal hygiene and no success with women but with an iPad 3”.
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