City Still Losing Sleep Over Jeremy Hunt

“I just hope the government continues to put all of its efforts into making sure Jeremy Hunt remains as Culture Secretary as nothing else is remotely important,” said one trader who hadn’t slept for 32 days.

“Everyone knows that Culture Secretary is one of the pivotal jobs of government,” said a banker with skin all over his shirt, “and I won’t feel confident about the financial sector until I’m assured of the future of the man in charge of arts and museums.”

The government says it is doing all it can as it battles to ensure the positions of the man known to men and women across Britain as ‘Jeremy Who?’

“Falling manufacturing output, poor retail figures and the UK’s exposure to a eurozone banking collapse must take second place as we ascertain how friendly Jeremy was with the man who owns the newspapers,” said a spokesman.

Meanwhile, as concerns grow in the City about the fate of Greece after Sunday’s election and the state of Italian national debt, praise poured in for the Liberal Democrats over their “brave decision” to do nothing again.

The move comes after the Lib Dem leader was called to appear at the Leveson Inquiry to help clear the tables and wash up.

“The way we confront every tricky issue with silence or abstention deserves nothing but praise,” said Bob Hankie, the party’s Minister for Limp Wrists. “We really are a complete bunch of Jeremy Hunts."