City Still In Shock After King Reveals His ‘Dual Package’

The assembled throng was visibly alarmed when the Bank of England governor surprised those present with a private unveiling.

“I was here when Merv last unleashed his package but I had no idea he had two,” said a sweaty George Osborne. “I’ve never met anyone who could unveil two packages at the same time, let alone lay them on the table.”

King was said to have been in “relaxed” mood last Thursday in advance of the unveiling. According to sources his only request had been that the heating was turned up “so that both packages could do themselves justice”.

“Relaxation is key when unleashing your package upon an unsuspecting public,” said psychologist-to-the-stars Mumford Headcase. “If you’re not cool in the head the unveiling will go badly and no one will swallow it.”

King’s joint package, namely the “funding for lending” scheme allied to the pumping of £5b a month into City institutions, is intended to aid banks and boost business lending.

“I just wish I hadn't got my dick out,” said the governor.