Jimmy Carr and Take That ‘Arrested For Causing Recession’

The HMRC announced this morning it will “batters the faces and minds of these scum-suckers” after The Times revealed that 1,100 wealthy individuals are using the so-called ‘K2’ scheme to avoid paying tax.

“The joke is on Mr Carr,” said Mervyn King from a passing car. “Do you get it? I said that because he’s a comedian. His lack of taxation alone has pushed the country into a double dip recession. That’s not funny, is it? He may think he’s been clever but he can be sure we will have the last laugh. That was another joke by the way.”

Take That singer Gary Barlow plus minor members Mark Owen and Howard Donald are known to have invested in the scheme. Robbie Williams issued a statement claiming he was “too mad” to get involved at the time, while doctors evaluating Jason Orange found him to be “so thick he can only dance”.

“No one likes paying tax but we all have to do it,” said Lauren Hill and Lester Piggot simultaneously. “We are especially disappointed in Take That. Like eating a squirrel, this leaves a bad taste in the mouth”.

Carr, who specialises in rape jokes, was said by his agent to be “thinking up a good come-back line”.