Chancellor To Lift Duty On Roundabouts And U-Turns

“This is welcome news but the Chancellor could have gone much further with this announcement,” said a cul-de-sac.

“Hopefully this is a step towards helping hard-pressed families,” said a man pressing some families.

The announcement comes after excited scientists confirmed that, using sophisticated techniques involving smoke and mirrors, they had been able to spot some tiny original fragments of the Chancellor’s original March budget.

“Obviously at this stage all we can see are fragments,” said one, “but hopefully eventually we might also be able to find some shreds of Mr Osborne’s credibility”.

It is believed that the decision by the Chancellor was the culmination of extensive discussions held a few seconds before the announcement was made.

The Treasury said it was in line with a revised policy which involves coming up with plans and then coming up with different ones if anyone’s nasty about them.

In the face of growing criticism, the government has, in recent weeks, reversed planned taxes on pasties, caravans, churches, charities, gravel, socks, verbs and women with hair.

“Just as we saw with the reversal of the pasty tax, Osborne has proved yet again that all he’s doing is re-heating bits of crap,” said a microwaveable turd.