City Forced To Admit Women Better At Some Things

“For years we’ve all regarded women as simply bouncy sex things who talk rubbish and wash up,” said Phil Seksist, Barclays Head of Hormones, “so the news that they can also row boats quite fast is obviously very difficult to take.”

Concern in the City has also increased after a group of eleven women was filmed in a football stadium wearing the Team GB football kit and copying real footballers’ techniques.

The women – who claimed afterwards to be an actual team – were widely criticised for not demanding huge salaries, falling over at the slightest touch, or shouting racist insults at their colleagues.

However, some leading commentators said that the incident would not affect the long-standing status quo of the Square Mile.

“Just because a few mopsies dress up as footballers and run around a field doesn’t necessarily mean we will see more women running FTSE 100 firms”, said the glass ceiling.

Meanwhile an investigation is under way after the Chinese swimming coach, Yu Wang-Qa, called on the Olympic authorities to carry out more stringent tests after the “suspicious” performance of Clare Balding’s hair.

Doping allegations briefly threatened to overshadow the Games after the surprise gold medal victory in the canoe slalom by a three-year old Chinese girl without a canoe.

And yesterday, Britain’s gold-winning female rowing pair were forced to apologise after admitting to using a performance-enhancing substance known as ‘water’.