RBS denies improper relationship with Churchill

The allegations about the closeness of RBS to Churchill have excited bloggers for the last two weeks. They include claims that RBS indulged in late-night ‘trades’ with its junior brand and had, on several occasions, even shared a balance sheet.

Late last night, having apparently reached breaking point - even considering a flash sale of the insurance arm - RBS issued the following statement:

‘We hope the media will respect our privacy as these sordid allegations in no way affect the strength of our relationship with Natwest at what has been a difficult time. We have been trying for a profit for some years and this summer alone we had to sacrifice several bonuses’.

Rival banks were quick to rally round the beleaguered institution. A spokesman from Santander told squaremile.com:

‘The photos of RBS in the tight white sweatshirt and the wraparounds prove nothing. The truth is that Churchill is just a young, smily-faced bull-dog. He’s called ‘man’s best friend’ for a reason.’

Santander have had to defend themselves from similar allegations in the past. Just two years ago they were forced to pretend that one of the pair was a woman after bloggers questioned the closeness of Bradford to Bingley.