Double-dip fears dip

The Office of National Statistics reported a 3.7% increase in Lotto Lucky Dips this month – a trend that has reportedly been fueled by several of the larger investment banks.

In an exclusive interview with squaremile.com, Bob the Banker said: “We’ve been gambling with Joe Public’s money for ages. It was only a matter of time before we took it to the next level of blind risk taking.”

On his way to buy his sweepstake tickets for this Saturday’s rollover – along with a packet of Camel Lights and some Haribo Tangfastics – Bob commented: “Our top strategists say the Lucky Dip is definitely the way to go when it comes to choosing your lottery numbers. These days, it’s less about bonuses – and more about bonus balls.”

When asked what he thought of the risks of this new investment scheme, Hector Pants, CEO of the FSA, simply said: “It could be you...”.

Meanwhile, sales of guacamole, hummus and taramosalata have hit record highs as speculators look forward to the return of ‘Party Dip’ days.